Articles

Charissa Bloomberg

Valentines Day Survival Kit

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By Tasleem Gierdien, 9 February 2024

‘Do you. Do what makes YOU happy.’ How singles, couples and the heartbroken can survive Valentine’s Day

Charissa Bloomberg, a Clinical Psychologist speaks about the mental health impacts around Valentine’s Day.

Clarence Ford speaks to Charissa Bloomberg, a Clinical Psychologist about celebrating Valentine’s Day for couples, singletons and the heartbroken. 

Whether you love Valentine’s Day, feel it should be every day, feel ambivalent about it, dread it as a singleton or feel like it’s a commercial day existing to serve capitalism alone.

Valentine’s Day is coming and there are several ways to celebrate the day of love whether you’re in a relationship, single or just broke up with someone. Let’s get to it. 

If you’re in a relationship:

Bloomberg has one rule: “Do you, do what works for you. Do what is right for you and what makes you happy.” 

The clinical psychologist recommends sitting down with your partner to discuss how and if you’d like to honour the love you share.

Bloomberg also says:

    • Don’t focus on social media and what other people are doing, do what’s best for your partnership.

    • Don’t compare your relationship to others or what you see online.

If you’re in your feels, dreading being alone:

Bloomberg says: 

    • Do something for yourself, don’t sit in the dark alone, do something with your friends or family.

    • Write a letter to yourself documenting what you can offer someone, “you’ll be blown away” by the amazing qualities you have to offer someone.

    • Avoid social media and don’t compare your love life to others.

    • Appreciate being alone – being alone is luxurious – you can do what you want, when you want and if you want – spend time getting to know yourself and what makes you happy.

“Take this time to work on yourself because what they don’t tell you is – if you don’t work on yourself, you’ll project your unhealed trauma onto the next person if you just jump into a relationship because you don’t want to be alone and the cycle will continue until you… take the time to work on yourself.”

Kit Charissa Bloomberg, Clinical Psychologist

    • Do something for someone else, psychologically when you give to others, you hurt a little bit less. 

    • Practice self-integrity – keep the promises you make to yourself. It can be as simple as just ACTUALLY going to the gym, buying yourself a coffee or just doing something small that makes you happy.

    • Don’t forget:15 February is Single’s Day – now you have two days to celebrate loving yourself!

If you’re mourning a relationship:

    • Feel all the feels and take time to mourn the breakup. 

    • Do a ritual to let it go; cry if you need to, delete the photos, write a letter about what you meant to each other, why it ended, what you could’ve had but won’t – then, tear it up, burn it – just let it go. Close the chapter and then celebrate YOU by starting your healing journey – be gentle and kind to yourself while you work on yourself.

    • Learn from the breakup, about yourself and allow yourself to grow because of those learnings instead of blaming yourself or feeling regretful.

Bloomberg adds that “you don’t need someone to complete you” while reminding yourself that Valentine’s day is the day for love (not just for the romantic kind), so show it to yourself and everyone… all of the time.

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SELF INTEGRITY: Wellness Warehouse

Self Integrity the key to wellbing

SELF INTEGRITY: Do you keep your word to yourself?

So you integral when you tell others you going to do something, but what about keeping your word to yourself? How often do we overlook this?
When we say we going to do something for ourselves and we don’t, we teaching ourselves that our word is of no value. This has been known to impact on our self- esteem, our productivity and our work ethic.

Not having self-integrity is not going to get us where we want to be. It also doesn’t allow us to set goals and keep them. It doesn’t assist with self-care, setting boundaries and loyalty to oneself. Michael Jenkins explains that, ‘Self integrity is the most overlooked concept in business and life and if you do not keep your word to yourself, nothing works.” I was recently asked to give a talk on self-integrity and was horrified to have to come to terms with a huge learning lesson! Integrity is my passion and if I say I’m going to do something, I make sure I do it. I even take delight in doing so. I didn’t realize I had a lot to discover about my own self integrity!

For example if I say I will call a certain person at 5pm, I already plan. If I won’t be home, I will make sure I have a quiet space, plenty airtime and everything I need to plan my day around 5pm.Here comes my awakening moment. I tell myself I’m going to gym on Monday, which was just down the road in my old house. And do you think I went? NO!
I tell myself “ya right” or I’m too busy making a living, all the excuses.

Now this month I moved and there is a gym and indoor warm swimming pool right in my complex. I mean literally the building next to me. I have walk out my door, a few meters into the gym and pool area. Well did I go, NO, too busy unpacking. Until a strange thing happened. My domestic said after a hard day’s physical labor at work and walking far to catch her taxi, she gets home, feeds the kids and hubby and then goes online and works out at 8pm, from a program she follows on her cell phone.

Well how embarrassed am I? I can’t even walk out my door to the next building! I felt so ashamed and my self-esteem took a dive. So I committed to myself to make training part of my daily routine and ritual. Guess what, I not only felt fantastic that I kept my word, but I felt good and then I came home and ate a healthy meal. The knock on effect of this impacted my productivity and my “feel good factor” about myself. We cannot practice integrity if we can’t keep our very own word to ourselves.Recently I walked out a shop with something that got hidden in the trolley under my parcels. I had a choice to keep walking and thank the universe for my “freebee” or walk back pay! I chose to walk back and ask ‘how this got through security and can I pay?’ You should have seen their faces.

I felt so good. What would have happened if choose to walk on by and keep the free product? Other than feeling disappointed in myself? Well the reality is that when I can get away with small untruths, lying, not paying for a product, stealing work time and other little lies and mishaps; it gets easier. We get away with it and in the long run it can impact on my ethical behaviour to others and my work. It’s a spiral downward and lying, dishonesty and cheating gets easier. Not to talk about being role models for your partners, family and children Integrity means doing the right thing at work, in our home, in our relationships, in parenting and especially with ourselves.

Socrates said “to thine own self be true” Well that not only means being honest with oneself, but being integral as well. Understanding oneself, helps us realize that integrity is the basis of ethical behavior and it takes daily hard work and dedication to practice it. It’s no good if someone has integrity at work but not much self-integrity. Integrity needs to be consistent in every area of one’s life.

We need to build integrity conscious skills for ourselves as well as others. One can claim to have a set of values, however if they are not reflected in one’s behavior and actions, then we lack self-integrity. We need to declare the intention that we will commit to follow through on all our actions and promises.

My favorite saying is “integrity costs noting, but when we lose it, we lose everything!” I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to let myself down!